What is Self-Love and How Do I Find It?

Self-love gets a bad rap. The term often gets confused with narcissism or masturbation. But love— love is such a well-loved word. We fall in love, we sign cards with love, we love our cars and our dogs, we even love iced chai and jalepeño poppers. But ourselves?! Suddenly, when the beautiful word love is directed back at ourselves, the meaning gets distorted: if we love ourselves, we must be guilty of pride, vanity and egoism.

Let’s start with an experiment to measure your relationship to the word love. In this exercise, fill in the blanks with the name of your dearest friend, daughter or beloved sister.

If I have love for ____________, then I must cherish and respect ________. I want the best for  _________ and I hold ______’s best interest at heart. I want _______ to be happy and fulfilled. I want her to always believe in herself, as I believe in her.

Read the sentence out loud.  Does it ring true for you? Add anything you think is missing, and get creative here! What else does loving someone mean?

Now, try reading this sentence, and notice your reactions:

If I have love for myself, then I must cherish and respect myself. I want the best for myself and I hold my best interest at heart. I want myself to be happy and fulfilled. I always believe in myself.

What did it feel like to say that to yourself? Did you wince and say it under your breath, or just inside your head? Go back and again read that sentence out loud. Write down what came up for you: thoughts, judgements and fears.


Take some deep breaths here, and move your body around. We are working on re-wiring a belief that society has programmed into us for centuries.

You ARE a sacred, blessed, and powerful being

but it’s okay if you don’t feel that way yet. You’ve got a lot of unlearning to do.

To get started, download my workbook called Introduction to Self-Love. Lets go of self-doubt to let in self-love. Powerfully create the life you want to live.